monday: 03/05/2004
what will you go through now? After everything that you have already gone through. 'They' will force you to be a part of the one thing you despise most. The one thing in the world you felt you could not face. The one thing in the world which you felt could bring you the most pain.
How will you survive? How are you going to make it in this world? To be forced to somehow document everything in your day to day life. Note every action and every feeling. To make sure that everything from this point forward does not bring you to this point again. To ensure that those who are being paid to save your life are sucessful. To ensure they do not fail.. So they meet their quotas. They can say '...A job well done...'
But is it? Is it really? Can they really honestly say that forcing an individual to live suck\h painfully is really actually good for them? The best thing for them?
Do they really believe that you are really better off performing all trivial tasks on a day to day basis believing that they themselves are being trivialised because they really don't count?
All these professionals that are supposed to help, can they really help in all individual cases. Or is it better for you to make the choice to live of to die as you chose it?
When they say you are 'cured' are you cured or have they just hidden you? Hidden because you have been brainwashed to believe that it is not right for you to believe what you believe, let alone voice it.
What is not to say that your way of looking at the world is not right? That each individual really is alone in this world. What is not to say that no one cares if we live or die.
We are all boren with a clock and we can neither alter or stop this from occuring.We have no say in when our time is up. What is not to say that your time was up. Why are we forcing the sand in the hourglass back upwards? We could be starving you of some vital experience. We could be affecting you right down to your soul.
We could be, we are doing you more harm than good.
Why is it that only people like you can see what you are really going through. Only others who have been through the same pain that will ever understand you.
Why is it that their 'way of thought' is wrong. Why will you be brainwashed into a new way of though. The thought that life really too precious. THat the option of dying does not exist.
Why is it that you will accept this and come to the realisation that your way of thinking is wrong and immoral. THat this will lead to you inevitably spending a lifetime with your worst nightmares. But do they realise that living could actually be what your worst nightmares really are made of. Do they realise that to you the whole world might have its own personal vandetta against you.
Do any of these professionals really care about what you think? '...oh really, and how did that make you feel?..'
Do they care?! Do they really give a s*** about what you think? They know how you feel. You woulldn't be forced to go through these stupid weekly rituals if they didn't.
But are they really understanding you? Are they really getting what you are going through? Or do they only really care about conforming your thoughts? Do they only care about making society feel better? Do they ever give a s***about what you have experienced.
Society doesn't care! Society only cares about making itself feel better about all the things that have slipped out of its grasp and gone wrong.
All they really want is for everyone to be that same. The same smiling blank faces that can't think for themselves.. THey think the same, dress the same, feel the same emotions at the same 'appropriate' times.
They scorn anyone who is different. They scorn anyone who isn't like them, anyone who dares to be different.
All society wants is for these people to become a shadow child. Before this sick illness appeared they were stuck in their own world. All society wants is to conform their thoughts so that that can shrink back into being their former selves. From this point forward all they want to do is to force them to be a shadowchild. Not to change their views or find out why but to force them into being shadow children.
Maybe the shadows is all that is left. Maybe they should live in the shadows. Maybe that is all and everything that they can be. All that they are allowed to be.
Maybe society, with their deluded thoughts of conformity has forced them to die a premature death long before they are ready only to serve their own selfish Greater Purpose.
To be a part of what society feels is right. To be part of society's own deluded attempts of making their own utopia.
~.~