well-today was really interesting. We saw-for the first time in about 6months-the back wal of the store. The reason we haven't done that is because we've had too much bloody stock sitting in front of it! Not that we haven't been doing our part-it's just with the whole Christmas rush thing we really haven't had much time to think let alon breathe and manage to deal with actual work as well.

Anyways, hopefully when i go into the store tomorrow night-if the night people have done their jobs right-I will also be able to see the back wall-behind the returns pile as well. I'm excited. Yes i Know small things but it means that we are actually diong something right in the store and getting something accomplished. It's always nice to be able to see progress.

Also tonight was Kev's place. That was fun. Dinner was great thanks Megs, Nai and Nic. In No particular order. Oh-thanks Kev for the house too. Dessert was an interesting combination that I will probably never try again-but have tried once in my life and thats all that matters.

Anyways, all in all, it was a fun night. What I would really like to have done would be to have gone star gazing for a bit longer-the sky was absolutley gorgeous. And know I have a few very hard decisions to mull over tomorrow, ie, where to I want to be when the clock strickes 12?

I have had a few offers and I would really love to be everywhere but seeing as I have to work until 9. I also have to open the store the next day so any heavy drinking that may otherwise have been done would be rules out. and going somewhere early and party-jumping is also ruled out. As is the city and the very fun sounding Lord Mayor's Picnic. [well hopefully there is always next year for that] Argh!!!! decisions decisions.

Anyways, seeing as i have a few hours before daylight and another few hours before i have to be at work I think i am going to read a very interesting book ads has lent me [absolutely enthralling] and try to reach some sort of decision over what to do on NYE.

~.~

hey-merry christmas and stuff people. [never feels right saying that]

ok well here's how my day went. Ali woke me up at some ungodly hour with a merry christmas message. Yeah it was 8.30am but i went to bed at 3 so i was finally getting a good sleep in. And just so that people don't get offended- i didn't reply to any christmas messages that i got today. I never feel right doing so cause it's not my holiday to celebrate.

Anyways, my mom took the week off-i suppose i should be happy cause she doesn't usually take time off-for anything. But it also meant that i got to go visit my cousins that i don't usually get to see. And my aunt who i definately never see and my uncle who reminds me of tim 50 years from now. Except slightly bald. Can't imagine tim ever going bald.

Anyways after that i came home to my perfectly moist and tender turkey loaf and roast veggies. Yum! [just cause everybody else is celebrating doesn't mean I can't take advantage of the fact that nothing is open and its not acceptable for me to not be home]

And now we are watching really boring movies. First Monster In Law, then the Transporter and then a Cinderella story. Very bored! And very glad that I'm working tomorrow-and the next day and the next.

anyways all in all-this day would have been much better spent looking at shoes! :)

~.~

okies-staff meting on Monday or tuesday night-whenever it was! Well-boy was that interesting! 2 people got fired and another one quit 15 minutes into her shift. [that was after not turning up to start with] We had lots of new things that were introduced-new piles to make finding things in the store easier. These will probably be given up on in about a month anyways, and...

...well since then I walked into work this morning to find both Nige and one of the girls he fired happily working away behind the counter [well not so happy considering i was ever so slightly late and there was a line longer than the Nile growing in the store]. Apparently he couldn't make it without her and called her to ask her back to work. Who would have known-even though this is exactly what we tried explaining to him at the staff meeting when her told us that meg and jess were '..sadly no longer with us...'

In other news, we made $10,900. That's $40 better than today last year. Mind you we paid for it badly-i was sick of smiling and pretending to care about how peoples' days were going by the time 11am rolled by. [i started at 9]

I got about 3-4 customer complaints from different people about the service they were getting from nigel. I find that really amusing as he's the one always telling us what we should be doing whenever we have a staff meeting. :)

um...[insert some christmas stuff that i would never considder saying here]

night all-happy holidays

~.~

hey guess what?! It's about 1p.m. ish and I'm at home! Yes that's right I don't clock on at work till 4. I didn't have to work super early today which meant I got to catch up on a much needed beauty sleep. Let's hope its enough to let the ever growing bags under my eyes to recede a little.

Anyways, as much as i like the idea of doing a night shift and getting that little bit of extra sleep that i've been craving over the last few weeks, what i am not looking forward to is the lack of air con in the store the amount of work that has piled up from yesterday and the sever sauna effect this will have on the rest of us.

Well apart from that-can i just say that the party was so much easier to clean up from than last years! Probably aided by the fact that I had no wrapped candy to find before cleaning. Nothing behind the couches or in them and nothing to find in pot plants or lurking behind hard to reach places. Isn't life grand! :)

Oh, I passed everything-not as well as I wanted to but as people keep pointing out a pass will still get me a degree. I now just have to start a degree first. Anyways maybe I'm just being overly hard on myself but I really wanted to do better than I did. There's always next semester unless I don't get into the course I want to-in which i am going back to tafe to finish my diploma.

Anyways, going to finish watching the first season of sex and the city before going to work-yay for time to myself and being able to have time to think.

~.~

I apologise for everything and being a general bitch lately [sorry Tim] and I think I was just really stressed about long work hours and christmas shopping and then last night as well. I'm sorry to all who I took it out on-it wasn't fair and I promise I'll try not to get so bitchy [sorry Tim-last time i promise]

Tim, I hopped online as soon as I thought I had your 'Secret Sayers business' sussed out-only to have my suspisions confirmed. I am absolutely LOVING your thoughtfulness right about now.

Thanks for trying to get me to feel better about stuff. Read your email.

I attibute my shoking behaviour of the last couple of day to the fact that tonight was a full moon and a full moon can mess up our body stuff. Being the controller of tides-water and us being made up of so much water etc etc etc.

I apologise if i trod on any toes or was mean/heartless to anyone. I'm sorry generally for baing a hard person to get along with. Sorry all!

I promise that next time I will try to make my meltdown as neat as possible with as few people effected as possible.

Happy F****N Birthday. Those who care sign below...

Happy F****N Birthday. Those who care sign below...








































...and as thought no one gives a flying F***

Happy Birthday to ME
Happy Birthday to ME
Happy Birthday to MY SE-ELF
Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!!

~.~

Just because........i'm bored???


Just because..
Just because -
I am bitchy doesn’t mean I'm a bitch.

Just because -
I'm quiet doesn’t mean I don’t have alot to say.

Just because -
I appear happy doesn’t mean everything’s ok.

Just because -
I'm *sarcastic* doesn’t mean I don’t take things
seriously.

Just because -
I forgive doesn’t mean I forget.

Just because -
I don't listen to your problems
doesn’t mean I don’t care.

Just because -
I'm gullible doesn’t mean I can be cheated.

Just because -
I'm *stubborn* doesn’t mean I'm not easy going.
Just because -
I don't study doesn’t mean I'm stupid.

Just because -
I don't show my feelings
doesn’t mean I don’t have any.

Just because -
I *hate my life* doesn’t mean I'm suicidal.

Just because -
I don’t love you doesn’t mean
I don’t have feelings for you.

Just because -
I'm honest doesn’t mean I'm outspoken.

Just because -
I'm not like you doesn’t mean I'm weird.

Just because -
I'm unsure doesn’t mean I'm afraid


~.~

Ok, first day at the centre stage stall today! Or so i thought. I turned up and helped Henshaw set the stand up. The usual sort of stuff-setting up dummy cases and the dvd cases then setting up the tables and the balloons. Then Jo comes down from the store to say that Bently wants me in the store and she can't deal with everything today by herself.

Don't get me wrong I love the feeling of being wanted and needed-but the only reason [well other than the fact that I need the extra money for christmas] that i agreed to doing 2 60 hour weeks in a row was because i thought that the second week would be easier than the first and a total bludge. Being at the stall you really don't need to worry too much about customers cause there really aren't many and it's pretty slow all day. But I really didn't want to spend 2 weeks in the store straight. It's got to the point where I know most prices off by heart and can tell you whether most others are available in Australia to order in.

Yeah-it's more or less official-work is driving me insane.

Oh! and in addition to that-I believe I may have inadvertantly got someone fired today. I found out that Bently was going to put Meg on the pay roll for yesterday because she thought she was accidently left off. So i told her that she didn't come in because she didn't know she was working. And no matter how much I tried to dig meg out Bently was abslutely appalled with the fact that she just didn't turn up and has a record for doing so and yeah-now she's being written off the roster because I couldn't think fast enough to get her out. Hmm-if I wasn't guilt ridden before...

~.~

Ok. The city tonight was lots of fun. Dinner was great yada yada yada. But sorry guys if we see someone bleeding on the side of the street again I'm going to stop and help. I feel really really really guilty that we didn't stop. That guy could have been really hurt. Keep this in mind for the next time we go out. I will stop.

And one other thing-if you are always looking for anything that could go wrong, chances are that something will go wrong. If you go specifically to have fun-chances are that that is what you will have!

~.~

hey wow! just finished a nine hour day and i really don't feel that bad. I admit the first few really long days were absolute killers but my feet are starting to get used to the daily abuse they endure. My shoulders are getting used to the angle the computers at work are at. And I'm even getting used to working with Katie and Nige. Katie's not that bad but Nige took a little getting used to with his really bad jokes and his extremely pointless ramdom facts that he seems to think is absolutely imperative for me to know.

It was kind of stresfull today also-only because Katie thought it was necessary to have all 3 new members of staff in the store for a 'training' day. Dan and Jo were ok. Well actually they better than good. I'm absolutely loving how fast they are picking up the new work. James, hoever, was the cause of much of my stress today. If you tell him to do something a different way because its more effective or takes less time he'll be fine with it but when he thinks you're not looking he reverts back to the other way. It was kinda funny the first few times but after that it just got really stressful because things that should have taken about 10mins to do took him about half an hour.

Apart from that my day was great. I managed to get a lot done and if the night staff get all that they are supposed to get done-finished, I will be able to get even more done tomorrow when Nige comes in to finish up the stock.

I'm free tomorrow night so all of us absolutely have to do stuff tomorrow night because I don't think I can stand another night home with the family. The only reason I work so much in the holidays is to get out of the house-long story short I hate spending time there.

~.~

WORTH READING 6 Dec 2005
The Man Who Didn't Like The Sun
The man hated the bright burning thing in the sky. It hovered over himallday long, no matter where he went. He hated the Sun's harsh light, theheatit created and the shadows it cast on the earth around him.He felt likethesun was stealing something from him, separating him from things whenwhat hecraved was unity.
"At least at night everything looks the same," he thought. hat's why heliked the darkness. The Sun had become his enemy.
One day, unable to stand it any longer, he decided to dig a hole toprotecthimself from the intolerable rays of sunlight. His skin, which had beenburned a deep brown, began to turn white again, and the shadows of dayceased to annoy him. But then, sitting in his hole, he realized that thesuncontinued to flood his hiding place with light from above, and that hisshelter was even brighter than the land outside.
He went back to work and had soon dug himself a tunnel and a cave. Andtherehe finally found protection from the Sun. He spent years in his hole,meditating in solitude, in the coolness of the dark where the Sun neverpenetrated. Up on the surface other men grew food and warmed themselvesinthe heat of the all-giving star. They saw the Sun as a good andprotectingGod. The Sun was their ally as they learned to tame its extremes. Theylivedthrough the seasons, one after the other.
All were thankful for the Sun's presence, all except for the man whowantedto avoid the light and the contrasts it created. In the end the poorhermitperished in his cave, in darkness, in the calmness and unity of theshadows,but desperate and alone.
And after he died the people didn't even have to dig a grave for him.
It was already there...
Moral of the Story:
Accepting people's differences, living with others and their strangehabitsand sometimes incomprehensible behaviour, can be difficult. We are oftentempted to retreat like a hermit into the calmness of home, into theshadows. But life is composed of diversity, of exchange and of change.Whenyou cut yourself off from your friends, your neighbours and yourcommunity,you also lose a part of yourself.


http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

~.~

Why is it so damn hot and why do we not have air con in the store??? I swear that place was likea bloody sauna last night. As long as i don't have to work too many nights it should be ok. Good thing i'm doing 10 hour days for the next 3weeks! My feet are killing me and it's only been 3 days. Ok, now I'm just complaining because i'm sick of the weather and work-where is the winter? And someone please bring him back!

Anyways-i'm bored so if anyone happens to read this before a decent hour-feel free to msg me. My house is free tonight but i'm not allowed to have too many people over so...hence the lack of collective msg sending that i usually do.

Hey, does anyone remember a movie that was out around the time I went to New Zealand called A Love Song For Bobby Long? It has John Travolta in it-he played the really old guy...Anyways it's kind of an arthouse-sey kind of film. If you haven't seen it I would really recommend it if you like arthouse. It also has Scarlett Johanson in it.


One last thing-does anyone have a dvd burner that i could borrow? I have a copy of the new Family guy movie that I'd like a copy of. Let me know.

~.~

ok-just got back from my work christmas party and it was brilliant. As tradition has precedented Nige had way too much to drink and by the time Chris and Em had turned up at 10 he was up to discussing how if he is working byhimself and he really needs to go-he uses the sink. Needless to say they were a little scared. Being their first xmas party with us I can completely empathise. [Been there done that and wouldn't repeat the experience sweethearts.]

Katie was a little worse for the wear too by the time it came to dropping her home. Sorry for embarressing you Em sweetie. But I guess its the little perks that make the huge load of crap that go along with working at a video store bearable. Btw betty was fired despite popular belief that no one gets fired after the initial training process. And we have a new person working for us. [though we are still looking for anothher person] and he is a male.

So we have some eye candy around the store-don't believe that will do much for productivity-which we have had problems with lately. [so i've heard-i haven't actually met Daniel but i have been informed]

For the record i haven't been drinking [just 3 lemon/lime bitters] although apparently the bitters part is enough to throw p-platers over the BAC 'O' limit. Which I had no idea about until I took a breathaliser at the end of the night. ANyways i'm sure none of this is making ne sense because i am uber-tired so...

Laters


~.~

some body save me!!!!!!!!!!

Speaking of doing new and interesting things more often [last comment on last blog]...who wants to go to a foam party? Also being held at the tav on wednesday night. I have to work but one of my friends from work has invited me and friends to join her afterwards.

Apparently she went to the summer one and it was really fun!!! Yes...anyways I would like to go regardless of whether anyone else is interested in going. But wouldn't someone like to join me if not for no other reason than to make sure i come home safe? [hint]

ok-so i've just come home from work and have to do the religious day thing again tomorrow so I should get some sleep. Of course things could be made much easier if i just told my mother I don't believe in religion...but i know that that would possibly kill her. [my bad...anyways...]

~.~

Hens Night last night. Interesting experience really. Dinner at Hog's Breath followed by dancing at the Tav. Hehe-btw Laura's not really getting married-she just likes meeting people. :)

Nah not really, but certain people reading this will understand the sentiment.

Anyways, I hesitate to write too much because of other certain people who will be reading this- i don't want to give it all away.

All in all it was fun and i hope we can do it more often-well maybe minus the hens night thing. The going and having fun bit was good.

wow-another one of those 'most boring days of my life'-we had a prayer meeting and that was really boring. I didn't think it could be at all possible to be any more sick of religion than i already am. Grrrrrr. and i have to go through it all again on monday. Grrr. Why does religion have to based [well this one] on long and boring rituals and making gods happy etc etc etc.

yayaya! we won netball! 24-11. Mind you i feel bad about feeling good. The other team were 2 players down until the second half and they had never played together as a team before last night. But we still won-it's now our second game that we've won by actually playing.

note to everyone who may take offense-i don't mean to offend anyone by putting this link on my site. I am far from being a christian or a member of any sort of organised religion.

http://christ-in-sense.blogspot.com/

I found it made some interesting reading.

hey all,

check out some of the art by this guy-they-re pretty interesting. Especially when you look at how some of the early stuff started and compare it with the sort of stuff he is doing now.

www.thornborrow.blogspot.com

~.~

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering ...


Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to bomb next, when his phone rang.
"Hello," the voice said. "This is Paddy at the Harp Pub in Ireland, I am ringing you to say me and a couple of me mates are declaring war on you!"
"Well Paddy," replied Saddam, "how big is your army"
"Well lets see there's me, my brother sean, my next door neighbour seamus and the local dart team."
"Ahh" said Saddam. "I must tell you that you are against 1 million men, 16000 tanks and 14000 armoured personnel carriers."
Paddy then hung up....The next day, sure enough, Paddy rung again, "The war is still on Mr. Hussein." Paddy said. "We now have some infantry and equipment."
"What would that be" Saddam asked.
"Well we have 2 combines, a bulldozer, and Father Murpheys Grey Fergy tractor," Paddy replied.
Saddam sighed "Paddy may I tell you that my army has increased to 2 million men since we last spoke."
"I'll get back to ya," Paddy said. Sure enough Paddy rang again, "Right Mr. Hussein, we've modified our two seater Harrigans ultra light plane with a gattling gun, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us."
Saddam cleared his throat lay back on his chair and said, "Paddy... I have 10000 bombers, 20000 fighter planes, and I am surrounded by surface to air lazer guided missles, and my army has incresed to 2 and a half million men since yesterday."
"Oh" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring ya back"
Paddy called again the next day and said "I'm sorry, but the wars been called off."
"I'm sorry to hear that, why the sudden change of heart?" asked Saddam.
"Well after a discussion over a couple of pints we decided there's no way we could feed two and a half million prisoners"

my family is officially driving me insane. If any one knows of anyone in this general area looking for a flat/house mate? let me know. [i found a really cheap place but not sure if i like the area-kings cross] I really can't stand the fact that my every waking move is controlled by what my mother thinks is appropriate, Yeah, fair enough she prpably has some really good insight for why not to do some stuff but damn it i do want a life before she carks it too! one of my own experiences and of my own making. Is that really too much to ask?

Hey guess what all!!!???

I'm blogging from home for once!!!!

YAYAAYAYAYAYA me!!!

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!

I've just finished doing all the practice questions and if they are as hard tomorrow as they were today I'm gonna fail!!!!

Eeeep!!

~.~

ok, so for once I'm not really procrastinating about uni work. I'm sitting here in the library, trying to concentrate. Really trying. The thing is though, I've done about 4 questions of the practice assessment and I'm bored already. Tell me people-is this a bad thing? I'm bored after 4 questions and the exam consists of 60. I think I'm in trouble.

Apart from all that, last week we decided that we wouldn't do the whole family dinner thing for my mom's birthday because I have an exam tomorrow morning and another one on monday. But guess what!? Apparently we're doing it anyway. I don't know when or how that changed but apparently it did.

Anyways, there has been some talk of moving my birthday thing to Bundeena (however you spell it) so somebody tell me if that's a good or a bad idea?

Hmmmm. I better get back to those practice questions-they might help me in the end!

~.~

Wow! Where has the year gone? It seems like yesterday [insert sappy stuff here]

And another day where I'm once again procrastinating about uni stuff. I only have a week to go but that doesn't really make me feel much better when I think of the 4 weeks my brain has been on holidays for. It's hard to make yourself get into the whole study thing when your brain has already gone on holidays.

Apart from that I'm running the Christmas Stall for our store this year and I think I'm going to be doing the rosters from now on too. WHich means I can chose when I want to work-within reason.

Anyways kinda rushed for time.

~.~

wow! more procrastination about uni stuff! Well, only slightly. I only have to print a few things off type up a few of my opinions and i think i'm done and all i have to do is blitz my final exams.

Hey I got spammed again! By a rashie site??? Do I look like a beach bum??? By which i do not mean that people who go to or spend time at the beach are bums in any way.

I do apologise for the last blog but i had to get a few things out of my system.

Anyways better get back to it.

~.~

What is with our group lately? Don't get me wrong-we are all great people...but why are we suddenly turning into bitch central?!?!?! I make a personal note to try and stay out of things-understandably so i'm not in the middle-but depite my efforts I find myself not being invited out and subject to the continual onslaught of scrutiny that seems to have struck our group lately! What has happened to us???

I'd like to take you all on a journey through time [yay time travel!!!] to this time 2years ago. WE were all bloody excited because we had all finished our HSC and we were organising schoolies and we were all on new and exciting adventures. ]Which we took together-can i just add] People organising things in which no one was deliberately left out of or made to feel as though they were not welcome. And I'd like to pose a question to you all. WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE DAYS!!??

It seems like all i hear from people these days is bitch about this person and that. And do you really like this person and how horrible was that. Can't we all just kiss and make up? [no seriously let's all kiss and make out-i mean up! :P]

Yes, i'm in a strange mood so this may not be taken as seriously as it doesn't sound but it would be nice to go back to being a more mature version of the afore mentioned group. I love talking to everybody and it really doesn't bother me when people organise 2 or 3 things on the same night but what is getting really sad is people are getting mortally offended by things that they really shouldn't be worried about. Mistakes and other things.

As a final note-to clarify I am not bitching with one or two people in mind. I am talking about our group generally. Any similarities to any even fact or fiction is purely coincidental yada yada yada and all that other crap. Not targetting certain people in this blog-I can not stress that enough!!! ANd if you think i am you are most welcome to take it up with me personally.

~.~

hey all! guess what?! 2 blogs in 2 days. Well i really have nothing much to write except that addy has a BLIND DATE! (sorry adz-just thought i'd advertise it just in case someone had not heard! :P) Whoo! Anyways. hope all goes well and you 2 really hit it off because then we would all have a reason to bag you out to no end! :P Evil I know but hey, that's just me.

Anyways a per usual i'm procrastinating about uni stuff. I really shouldn't but...meh! It's not that i don't want to do it it's just that i don't want to.

Anyways, it's new year's today for anyone who's hindu anyway. Which really doesn't mean much except that yesterday and today are the only 2 days in the year which we make stuff which is way too sugary stay up way too late and light lots of little fires! [i like fire] Um, yeah it's also known as the festival of the lights, hence the fire. :)

Question: Is it weird to stay friends with an ex? and would it be weird to discuss new b/f's with an ex b/f? This has turned into a bit of a purple book kind of question, but i think it would be interesting to find out...especially after my day yesterday. Wow was that interesting! And weird! And a huge mixture of emotions! I'm not sure what to think about yesterday except that it was strange in a really nice way. I haven't had one of those days in a while.

Yeah, all i'm doing now is babbling cause i really don't have much else to write.

Oh, one last thing! Who wants to go to a posh restaurant on friday or sat. night? One large gourmet pizza will cost about $15 and we can split that about 3 ways. They are absolutely huge. Or you can have a more expensive meal to yourself. Anyways, i know a really nice place in Bella Vista that we can all go to, where my sister knows the chef and now he knows me. And it would be different to how we usually spend our weekends.

Anyways get back to me via mobile if you are interested cause i probably won't get a chance to get back on here till next week sometime.

~.~

What's been happening...um that's about it really. Nothing exciting ever happens to me! No seriously it doesn't. Congrats Meg who seems to lead the most exciting life ever. Held up at gun point, nearly kidnapped at a park, chased through the backstreets and alleys of King's Cross and dating a cop, and graduating from her course to become one at the end of this semester (if all goes well-WHICH IT WILL!) All in the span of about a month. And that's all about the life that i don't lead at the moment.

I know it's been a while but i've been extremely busy-with all these assignments that i don't have to do and exmans i don't have for another month. Ok. I'll stop rubbing it in now. No joke though for a few weeks I was kinda swamped.

A huge congrats to Katie who has finished her course of media and advertising, and good luck as you head of to every asian country you can think of visiting all those asian people that you love so much. And don't worry Nige won't find out youre leaving us as soon as you get back. :P

Happy Birthday Dane and Cierwen.

Ummm, what else have i missed?

Good luck to everyone who placed money on meg's sweepstake. Congrats to Naiomi who unless her horse jumps another barrier will probably win the massive $13 sweep.

Um, if i've missed anything else that is of any great importance let me know and i'll ignore it some more.

~.~

Happy Halloween all. Don't forget to take out those broomsticks and howl at the moon!

ghar! I got SPAMMED on my OWN site!!!! well that's the second time it's happened-i didn't get that reaction from you guys the first time though. that probably had something to do with the fact that i was spammed by another blog-i gotta figure out how to do that cause that could be cool-annoying though.

Anyways back to my fish! Megs did you read the last blog! i am NOT a fish killer but punam is!!! I have had 3 fish and punam's killed 2 of them. I think she had a secret vandetta against fish.

Anyways apart from that-once again i am procrastinating about uni work-but i have the day off. I think i'm entitled to not do stuff for a change. Anyways i'm just waiting for sary to get here so that we can go see a movie-cause she was the only one free today.

As a result of getting both friday and saturday night off last week, i haven't got either off this week! How much does that suck. Anyway-i like working and i also like watching the figures off my bank balance go up.

Anyways i think i'm about to get booted off the computor-at the library as usual so i'll see you all next week sometime.

~.~

ok-at the library and for once not procrastinating about uni stuff-well i sort of am. I've printed stuff off and not i just need to pay for it and go home and do it.

Hey guess what i came home to on saturday night?!!! A dead Mr Ed. Yes-Mr Ed has officially left the building feet [or fins] first. For those who are currently raising their eyebrows- Mr Ed was a 2 week old, all white, simese fighter fish.

Just like Romulus my sister decided to be an idiot and change the water and not add the drops to lubricate fins so that he could breathe. Effectively suffocating him. As a result i am no longer allowed to have any more fish-well that's what i'vebeen told anyway. Nobody ever goes into my room anyways so as soon as i clean it out, paint it and get some new furniture, i can get a new fish and leave it in my room safe from the clutches of my evil sister. Muah-ha-ha-ha!

Yes, anyways i think i should probably get some food into me-red bull on an empty stomach...

~.~

ok, my list of things to do has significantly shrunk and all i can say now is thank the Goddess that this week is over. Apart from getting glass stuck in my foot and doing something insanely stupid this week (yes, more stupid than getting glass stuck in my foot) I guess my week could have been much worse.

Although thinking back, my week has really not been drastically different than others. I was stressed about my ech assignment, but spoke to ayshe yesterday about it and she's really not as dragon-lady[istic] as she seems in the lectures. So anyways after pouring out my dilemnas to her and getting some advice i headed off significantly more happy and with fresh breath (i think she likes minties)

I've also spoken to the other person in my group and even though it doesn't look like she's going to put in any more effort into working with us this semester i really don't care. Which surprising really-but it's her mark and i feel much better now that ayshe knows what's going on.

Anyways apart froim uni getting a little hectic for a while there, it's all good.

Work is a breeze at the moment-although i'm wondering if this is the calm before the storm [father's day=lots of sales=lots of business=sore feet] As well as that i worked 2 extra shifts this week on the not so busy nights so this could be why it's seeming really breezy.

I don't have anything to do for the next couple of weeks and i don't have a uni assignment due untill after mid-semester break and i won't get the question for it till week 9. Yay me!

Ane the weather is really good! This morning i looked out my window [well out and up because otherwise i have a lovely view of a fence] and thought today is going to be a good day-i like this sort of weather because it seems to have a great effect on people-anyways i'm babling now...

~.~

ok, with regards to the weekend-i apologise for freaking certain people out! [you know who you are] I shouldn't have said anything and I'm deeply sorry. I hope you can forget I said anything and move on like it didn't happen.

~.~

ARGH!!! I have a list a mile long of things to do for next week. Most of which is for my early childhood class and then there is the essay for my anthropology class-the readings for which seem to be written in another language! Argh! And I'm only part-time. I don't know how everyone else seems to stay on top of everything.

And then there's the fact that my mom is going in to hospital for her operation on thursday and i have a shift at work the same day that i can't seem to be able to get out of. (i think that's my main cause for stress at the moment-cause my mom is making me feel really guilty even though she only gave a weeks notice and the roster was already done which left me no time to n/a that day)

Anyways, off to do more uni work...

~.~

hmmm, pretty much the only time i get to post stuff here is when i'm supposed to be doing boring uni stuff. And who said procrastination means you don't get anything done?

Anyways, friday night was really fun, for two reasons. Firstly, we (well sayers and i) were doing stuff that we usually don't. It was different and that meant that it was more enjoyable. And secondly i saw kara and tim who i haven't seen in way too long. I think we should do stuff like that more often-going into the city for stuff. Cause stuff can be fun.

Anyways, before i forget. I think (i know that rarely happens) seeing as the pancake house idea didn't really get going (also on friday night) we should go this friday. I think we should definately make it friday cause that's the only night i have off work for the weekend (i get off at 6pm) and i don't want to miss out cause i've never been and i think it would be more fun going with you guys than going with my family and stuff [insert more gret reasons for going on friday here]

Anyways, should stop procrastinating now. Will see people tomorrow night-(as soon as someone gets back to me with a time) *hint* *hint* because otherwise both amy and i (who don't know the time will not be there and everyone else will be screwed for a team!!! :P

~.~

btw, just in case anybody else is intersted-no i didn't take any photos of my multi-coloured hair. I was too busy stressing about what my mom would say (or do!) if she came home and my hair looked like it did. I was really concentrating on not being dead!!! And i didn't want any evidence that may come back and bite me on the bum at a later date!

Yay me! I just did 2 of my ECH quizzes and got 100% first go which means i only have 3 more quizzes left and i don't have to waste time trying to get 100 on the first 2. And I have until the 30th to get them done.

I finally got my essay done for this subject too. I kept procrastinating about it because i hate writing-I'm still procrastinating about my anthropology one though cause i can't even understand the readings for it! Argh!!!

I want to drop the subject but I won't be eligable to transfer to social work until the end of first semester 2006 if i do. Ghar!!! I have to pick up the forms for that sometime today as well. I also have to pick up some phone credit-i realised last night that i was down to my last dollar. oops!

Hmmmm! i think i might have a winge about the price of gas too while i'm here! Back in my day :) ...well at least when i first started driving i used to be able to fill up once a week using my flute money (and i was only getting paid $20 a week) , and be able to buy a severely over-priced chocolate bar too (with about 50c spare) -on my way to tafe.

This morning-much to my utter dispair-i had to fill up for 126.9. So a full tank of gas that used to cost me less than $20 cost me $36.90.

Grrrr! really not happy about that. But what can i do about it-short of driving around and hi-jacking any fuel containers that try to come into the country-and even then I'd be bound to be caught sometime before i was able to use up all the gas.

do-de-do-de-dumm

WOW! That's the last time i remember to have breakfast before leaving. I'm bouncing off the walls. No wonder people are looking at me strange. :P

~.~

well...i went to get my hair done and i think it all went a little pear shaped. My hair has been pretty much every colour under the sun to day.

I went to the hairdressers this morning knowing that for my mom to let me keep my hair blue it would have to look pretty good otherwise she'd have her heart-attack and kill me. ANyways the first colour didn't really turn out and the blue was really dark so you really couldn't see it so they wanted to try to get it a little lighter.

Anyways then they bleached my hair so it turned orange and then they put the blue fudge in over the top. Anyways i go thome looked in the mirroe and parts of my hair were really really dark midnight blue, they's missed parts of the bleached bit so there was a bit of orange in there, there was also a bit of high-lighter blue cause of the fudge in over the top of the bleach and there were parts of it htat has gone green. ( a mixture of the blue fudge and yellow/orange bleach).

So...when i tried to cover it all up using a bit of red dye that i had left over from avoca t hat's when all the colours blended and really scared the living day-lights outta me! And i couldn't have mom come home and have my hair looking like it did because she would have done worse than murder me!

So i went to Coles and picked up a box of the dye i oput through my mom's hair to cover grey (cause I figured if anything was going to work that would) and anyways now i have darkest brown hair number 3. and it looks relatively normal.

EEEEps!!! I don't think i want to touch my hair again untill i have to start covering greys cause that was just a little too much excitement for one day!

~.~

good news! my mom is now talking to me. Although-i'm not too sure whether this is because she thinks that i've forgotten about my hair appointment on monday (I found out her problem was she didn't want me too look like a freak?-i fail to see the problem cause those who know me know that i'm a freak! :P) Anyways, I think this is why she's talking to me now.

I'm still going to do it though. The fudge washes out anyways, I think she should probably be more worried about the fact that once it washes out i'll be left with bleach blonde (or in my case having black hair-bleach orange) hair.

I'll probably get sick of it after a few weeks anyways any dye it back to a semi-normal colour like...fire engine red! :)

Anyways, first couple of weeks back at uni have been pretty hectic. Mostly because i have an essay ( one of the two) due in a couple of weeks and I can't seem to understand what the readings are on about-sure if they were in english there'd be no problem. i think the author's just like to feel superior (cause no one can understand what they are trying to say) They take about 30 pages each to say big is beatiful in eastern countries and anorexic is idolised in western countries. At least that's what the lecturer says they are about.

Do-de-doo-de-dum

Anyways see you all soon.

~.~

good news!!! i passed and i passed better than i thought i would. But i was only 2 marks away from getting a better grade-phoey! Oh well....i passed!!!

hey guess what!? we hired not one but two new people at work! this would be an even better thing if one of them could do friday nights.

See when she was hired, her resume said available to work every week night. Which was really great because that's what we needed. Needless to say she got asked in to do a trial.

Anyways less than a week later [after the trial] she says that she can't work monday nights or wednesday nights-oh, and really doesn't want to do too many weekends.

Anyways, jess and i and pretty much every one else there found this absolutely hilarious cause when we first started we refused to turn down a shift unless we absolutely had to cause we were too scared of getting fired.

But at that stage we didn't know that Nige refuses to fire people after the trial because of any unfair dismissal things that might come up.

Anyways the other new girl seems a little strange but really nice.

BTW happy birthday siomone. sorry i couldn't meet up with you but was feeling kinda sick after work.

Anyways am now at uni waiting for the stupid site to get uncluttered so that i can see my results-[yes sayers still waiting] Althought it is now 3days and a new password later which the IT people reckon should work.

Mmmm, please excuse the randomn nature of this but before i forget...

A HUGE congrats to naomi and kev who are now engaged.

and...i was going to say something else but have completely forgotton now.

do-de-doo-de-dum

umm-yes. I think i'm done now.

~.~

ok i'm back from holidays and feeling less bitter and twisted than what i left 2 weeks ago. Mid you that doesn't mean i don't feel bitter and twisted at all! Cause i do!

Anyways-I had a fairly good time away. I think i needed the time away [even more so after what happened just before i left] just to get my thoughts together and try to make sense of some of the feelings i was experiencing.

Anyways-new zealand was fun. We went wine and cheese tasting. SAw some of thte LOTR sites. Went to wellington, auckland and rototua mostly. Don't ask why but we didn't do the south island at all.

Then we went to Fiji. Did heaps of fun stuff. I really liked the community service day thing that we did. [the Medical camp] Saw family we haven't seen in 16 years. Checked out the medical facilities for a day(not a planned visit).

Had a general good time.

~.~

well, i guess i'm feeling less sorry for myself today. Probably accounted for by the severe lack of sleep i suffered last night.

Anyways- it's not a monday and i've have posted twice in the last week! YAY me! (Twice in 2 days-i think)

GUESS WHAT?! I leave for holidays tomorrow night. I have a 6p.m. flight to wellington. Then we drive around for a few days before catching up with my cousins in Auckland. Then it's off to fiji-where my old uncle will have just got married, to catch up with aunts uncles and the rest of the indian population[who i am probably related to also], then back to sydney on the 16th. Hopefully the flight is running on time and we have no dramas with customs, cause then that afternoon it's off to gangshow (thanks gaz for the lift) pretty much straight away.

WOW! Am i going to be tired. Oh well, that's what Red Bull is for! :P

anyways will hopefully see everyone tonight at bec's-don't worry nothing's been organised yet. But it will be.

And now i think i had better be off-i have to finish packing and do some last minute things at the shops. alk to you all soon-or when i get back.

~.~

hmmm, that last actual meaningful post was actually supposed to be a draft but i guess i must have hit the wrong button.

anyways seeing as it went up i may as well continue-sayers as usual my 'that's all i have to say about that' was really meant to say that really that is all i want to say at that particular point in time. In addition to that though-i've basically been left to feel really stupid and all my trust issues and defensive walls are right back up again. I hate knowing that i do that whenever i feel hurt by someone, but it's what i do best nowadays and it stops people kicking me when i'm down.

So, i'll try not to be crabby over the next few weeks-even more so because i'm on holidays, but basically i feel really stupid and pathetic and sorry for myself at the moment. Mostly because i should have seen the avalanche coming-it was basically the same thing i went through with dave, but still i didn't do anything. I should have seen it coming.

Why am i so blind sometimes (NO! don't answer that :P) And why is it that even though certain people know why my walls are so thick and 'people proof', they still wonder why they go up when they go up?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ok, think i'm done jumping up and down and pulling my hair out-i'm off to find a wig.

~.~

Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy birthday to Fairy!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok...feeling kinda stressed at the moment! I have 2 assesment due next week. I only got one on wednesday and I feel like I won't have enough time to write evything that i want to up-at least the word limit is short though [1000 words] and it's on human rights which always helps-cause that was the only thing in legal that I listened to. and the other one is my evaluation of an argument-which i have had for over a month so if i was smart i would have had completely done last week to allow more time for my other one. But hey! No-one ever accused me of being smart.

I need something to de-stress me, but there are only a certain amount of hot chocolates with melted marshmellows that my stomach can handle. (too much sugar) On an upside though i haven't reverted to drinking coffee. Did you know that apparently drinking coffee causes your teeth turn yellow? Who would have known. Anyways, back to the grindstone.

Oh, I will book tickets for the Burning after next week before it starts showing-i just need to get through the next week first.

Will see most of you at Meg's place on Saturday night! I do look forward to seeing people-it seems like soooo long since i was able to relax and enjoy the company of friends. That and the fact that because one of the girls at work refuses to leave and the another refuses to work weeknights-I'm stuck with all the crappy friday and saturday nights. At least until they hire a new person-grrrrrrrrrrr! I don't want to get started!

~.~

ok it's a monday and things have not really changed since the last time i blogged.

Maybe this might be easier to explain if I start things from the beginning...

it all started when i met this guy about three months ago. We seemed to click pretty well but we decided that the last thing that either one of us wanted was a relationship-so we decided that friends was all it was ever going to be. (well actually-he decided and i listened and agreed because you can't convince someone who doesn't want this sort of thing to decide to have it-doesn't work that way)

Anyway about 2months into this just friends thing we kiss and things start progressing from there and then three months into things everything has come to a complete halt cause this is what we decided (once again when i say we i really mean is that this person decided and i agreed because it was easier than disagreeing)

anyway-this is been the subject of much confusion on my part and in the famous words of Forrest Gump...

-'...and that's all i have to say about that...'

guess what??? It's not monday! Oh and guess what again??? Guys really do stink.

well not really i'm just really frustrated at myself at the moment. Why is it that you can make all the promises in the world to yourself, yet given half a chance I fail myself???

I hate the fact that you can like someone so much it just ends up hurting...i can't stand the fact that they can like you but....grrrrrrrrr! equally annoying when everything makes sense in my head but when i go to get it out it's either too late or irrelevant.

I feel like when i'm with this person that i'm safe and even though they know why i react to stuff the way i do it doesn't matter to them. But then in the next moment it does and logic and reason starts to make sense again. But then it doesn't and stupid stuff happends cause we both have cotton wool stuck between our ears.

argh! and the world doesn't make sense to me and when it all goes wrong i feel really stupid cause i should have known it would all end in tears anyway!

argh!

~.~

hey guess what?! It's Monday! Guess what again?! I had another pretty good day. Well that was until about an hour ago when i felt another headache coming on...I'm really trying not to complain but these stupid headaches are starting to bug me and i know i should go see a doctor but they bug me even more (the doctors that is) Anyways-not going to complain.

Once angain my day was pretty good. Actually it all started with a sleep-in (or if you wanted to go back even further to 2a.m. when i got a call asking me if i was hayley??? Wasn't to impressed withthat) anyways back to the sleep-in shower and an unhealthy breakfast of a croissant. I reckon that is why they taste so good-cause they are so damn bad for you. And the weather was absolutely gorgeousley nice!

Anyways got to uni at about 11ish. I got a park pretty much straight away which had me cheering. If anyone goes to mac they will know what i'm talking about. Started to do my reading for fridays sociology tute till I was rudely interrupted (but not unwelcomely so) by gary and nikki. And it was all good from there. Well apart from the afore mentioned headache.

Anyways, i invested in some new canvases over the weekend. I found a really cool $2 shop in North Rocks that sells them really cheap. Unfortunately not $2 cheap. But they are already primed and ready for the four fairies that will soon adorn them.

And after that I can start the series for sayers and then after that i have run out of ideas. I'm thinking sunflowers. Cause they are cool. But i also wanted to do an Angelis one.

Ok enough about me...as usual on a monday I have left my tute homework till the last minute. (one of these days I will get around to doing it earlier than a few hours before the tute) so i have to go print it off and collect it to do before 7p.m.

Do-de-do-de-dum. (my attempt at singing cause I'm not quite bouncing off the walls)

2 weeks with no coffee-yay me! next thing to give up is candy-the really sugary kind but I won't be doing that for at least another month.

D0-de-do-de-dum!!!

~.~

ok, so my day has once again been pretty good. Lately i seem to be starting most of my blogs like that...*shrug* but i guess it's better then the teenage angsty stuff that preceeded most of my early blogs.

I didn't have to get up early today cause i convinced my sis that she should catch the bus to school so she can be more independant, and as a result no one woke me up. My sis left without telling me and so did my mom. This rare sleep-in would have been quite welcome if i hadn't been up since about 2a.m. (not by choice-i'm not that stupid) I couldn't sleep, and I didn't get out of bed like i usually do, instead i turned on my torch and started reading. It was a really good book. (House of Sand and Fog) Unlike Girl with a Pearl Earring i actually liked the movie better.

Anyways-i'll stop wasting your time and get onto something more important...ok i'm done. :) j/k

Yes, now that that's said and done...down to business. The Burning. No this is not anything to be worried about...hopefully. It's the name of a play written by Duncan Ley and directed by Ray Frankel. It's showing from June 18th-July 2nd, at the Zenith Theatre in Chatswood. Shows are from wednesday to saturday at 8pm and 5pm on sunday. Adult tickets are $20 and concession are $17 (this is most of us)

This is what the review says:

'...Set in Germany in the early 1600's at the time of the Inquisition, when conflicting ideologies cost people their lives, The Burning is a dark and gripping play by an emerging Australian talent, Duncan Ley.

A strong mesasage on how little human behaviour changes over the centuries...'

So...why say all this??? Because I would like to go! :) and want to make a day of it. We can go in early and have dinner someplace nicer than maccas and cheaper than and expensive restaurant. I'd probably be going in on a thursday and would definately be driving in. If you want to go, let me know cause I have to book tickets. I think it would be a fun way to spend the night and I need other people there just to make sure I come home in one piece! :)

Or if you want to go just not with me...(which is more than understandable)...get in touch with MCA ticketing. (#9645-1611)

do-de-doo-de-dum

ok now i'm done for the day
~.~

Obituary of Mr. Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies(don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place: reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. These all only worsened his condition. Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally passed away after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.

ok, so it's only monday-it's safe to say that my week has been pretty good...well as long as you don't count the fact that i was stood up and the number i have for the guy is quite obviously the wrong one! Grrrrrrrrr! Should i give up now?

Anyways, i'm determined not to dwell too much on that. I barely knew this guy anyway-not that i make it a habit of meeting up with people that i rarely know.

Today has been fun-catching up with people i know i don't see often enough. [hi Benny! :) ] It was actually pretty cool to see them and though i didn't say much-to hear what they have been up to and know that they haven't dropped out of existence (deliberately anyway).

Apart from that i got up early to make sushi rolls. Yay me! I was proud anyway cause the sushi they sell at uni smells kinda funny and tastes on par with how it smells. But the stuff i made today admittedly tasted kinda bland-it was ok, once i convinced the sushi man to give me a fish of soy sauce. :)

Anyways, should probably finish my stuff for my tute before it starts.

~.~

read the post in the archives for 07.27.03 it kinda sums up what i can't put into words about trust at the moment. Although it is not entirely all relevant...it pretty much gets at what i want to say.

~.~

ok, so sometimes i can get pretty weird on this. Well not really, just different from what you would ordinarily see.

I do this to scare you! nah, not really. I just post things sometimes the way i see them and i don't really take note of who will. not that that's a bad thing really, that's what this is for i guess. anyways.

anyways, my short bout of pent up anger and frustration has worn off, i think. But i still feel kinda crap. Only in the sense that i must have bigger trust issues than i thought i had...cause i feel like the person who i trusted betrayed it and they probably didn't and it was probably me just being unreasonable and...

ok i think i should continue this on a day when i am capable of being more coherent. I also have some stuff to do...like my tute exercises which i need to have done sometime in the next 29 odd minutes.

anyways, my point being...dont take me too seriously. Cause sometimes that's my only cover.

hey! how sweet. the chick next to me just printed off my stuff and doesn't want me to pay cause she got confused with her friend's computor number and mine. Some people are really nice.

That's just made my day-i love it when things like that happen. Not when people pay for stuff for me-but when people are nice for no reason in particular to people they don't know. it's the same concept as smiling at people as you walk around uni or down the street. anyways have to get this stuff done...

~.~

okies, i have officially recovered from the major 'high' that had me running circles and doing stuff I don't usually do. Like smiling and being happy. (yugh who would have known :P)

anyways long story but in short i think at least for a long while i might go back to the old serious pez that everyone must by now know me as. I am quite happy with my previously made plans of becoming an old spinster and grow old with 27cats. Even though i hate cats and they would probably all be dead in about a week, although Romulus and Birdy are still alive and kicking (my fish).

I am more than happy to become the freaky old woman next door who all the other kids in the neighbourhood are scared to go near. yada yada yada, I think you get the point.

I am really sick of trusting people and having it all thrown back in my face. It seems that everytime i trust someone either my intentions get misinterpreted or things somehow don't turn out the way they were supposed to and i end feeling like a complete fool. I don't like it. (no I am not pauline in disguise) I am sure that no one does, but this time i have completely given up.

I no longer want...[insert what i previously wanted] Yea, just realised that the person that i am talking about could be reading this and if you are...

'screw you and i now hate you!!!'

~.~

'...It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail...'

Gor Vidal (1925- )

wow, im in a great mood today. I'm having one of theose days where even though i have a short bout of taxi duty and i'm tired as anything nothing seems to be bothering me... YAY for me :)

Then again i do have to go and pick up my assignment later and i think i may have forgotten to double space-maybe i can't remember and i wouldn't have been able to save double spacing on my computer so what i have there isnot what i handed in.

doo de doo de dum

I am at uni and ive run out of things to do-i finished readings and stuff

dum de dum de doo

ok talk to you all later

~.~

wow! i really wan't expecting that sort of response.

Anyways, i have decided that i don't think i will ever be truely happy with the direction my blog takes...I wasn't happy with it before cause i didn't think that it truley reflected what i thought. -which is nothing most of the time but just in case i had some really profound thought.

And as per usual i'm not really happy with this new direction, though some may argue that it hasn't changed but i believe that it might have.

Anyways, i'm just feeling like i'm wanting a general winge although i do promise that that is not all i do.

Holidays are coming up...yayayayay! That means that for at least a week i can sleep in with out feeling guilty. But it also means that for at least 2 weeks i get turned into a taxi service. Not that i mind-i do happen to like driving (*hinthint* *nudge nudge* sayers, nikki, meagan!!!) i just don't like being expected to be somewhere where i have nothing to do.

Which reminds me next week i will have to go into the city again to do more boring stuff at the us consulate. So if anyone wants to join me, rather accompany me into and out of the city (cause trains are big and scary :) let me know. I also have to go into paramatta to the immigration office cause my visa has run out so if anyone would like to donate blood-the immigration office is literally next door to the blood donating place. let me know about this also.

hmmmm. I think i have run out of things to say. by the way bbq next week at megs park. prob on sat. cause i'm not working then and the last 3 weeks when i have tried to get this organised no one has been able to come so if it as all possible-i am trying to get a huge guilt trip going so that people turn up!!!

~.~

Here's something intersting that i established the other day...

Everyone knows the 'beautiful people'. they are the people who seem like they have it all. or maybe to some of you they dont...but this is my opinion!

anyways, as i was saying...the beautiful people, they seem to have everything that anyone could ever want. Or most things at least. They don't seem to ever do anything that they may regret, with the exception of maybe the occassional hangover. but anyways the other day i established just how easily a 'beautiful' person can crumble and it made me sad. it made me wonder that maybe they are missing out on something great. it made me sad because they seem to feel everything much deeper than other people would.

It, i suppose, is just natural that some people feel emotions more than other 'fall fast and hard' and all other sayings like that but it still upsetting to think that as much i would want to help, for that one moment i couldn't.

I think the main reason for that would be (this bit is not open for discussion) that i have never really belonged as part of the 'beautiful people' crowd. So maybe all this really means is that 'beautiful people' can only help each other and all other categories(whatever they may be) can only help other people in the same category because this is where their understanding lies.

Anyway...just another random thought for my day...and yours too now...

~.~

so many good ideas - not enough time or money or energy or skill or love.

ok surprise of suprises...i'm actually going to post something.
AND even more surprising and rare-i'm going to lose my inhibitions for a few moments in time and actually post what i am really thinking.

ok...this is from a while back,when we all went to avoca (who could forget) well i'm sure that most paople may have noticed that for the whole week something was on my mind. (btw i am sincerely sorry for being a kill-joy for the entire week) and basically on the third night i decided to write stuff down; i thought if i wrote it down i may be able to forget about it at least untill we got back to sydney.

Ok anyways, enough rambling (*cough* stalling) and here goes.

tuesday:01.02.2004 (very early in the morning)
2.05am

my thoughts:
1 DO NOT tell me what i am or am not going to be
2 DO NOT allow you to isolate your self (yes-am quite aware that talking to yourself can be a very bad sign)
3 SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
4 Please donot expect me to follow the beliefs of someone who i have never met. (this one is completley unrelated to the topic of religion...fyi)
5 do not snap and start a fight (as a result of being on guard all week i got a little edgy)
6 do not treat me like a 2 yr old. let me make my own decisions, and more importantly, my own mistakes.
7 don't make me follow a religion that i have not truley believed in for 11 years. (ok so maybe i should speak up about this one)

my feelings:
1 Annoyed that i have been spending all this time wasted thinking about all of this.
2 Angry at myself for not having anough courage to speak up about why and what has turned me into what i am today
3 angry at a certain somebody for basically everything (this one maybe just a little edited-so maybe i haven't lost my inhibitions completely)
4 Frustrated that somebody could ever make me feel so vunerable and out of control
5 stupid for letting my emotions control my thoughts
6 let down by some of the people i at one time trusted the most

more thoughts: (about actions)
1 try to care more about other people => be less self centred
2 be more social
3 get to know more people that i don't know very well
4 try to help other people as much as i can
5 generally focus more on other people rather than self
6 worry more in proportion
7 try to keep 'me time' to a minimum so that the people surrounding me do not think i do not want to be around them

lates happenings: (may also appear to be slightly edited)
1 i have a 3 year curse on me which means that all i do or endeavour to do will lead to my undisputed failure
2 i will drown or have an accident involving water
3 renewed disbelief at my apparent religious beliefs
4 awe of my religious and cultural background and the severity of some of my beliefs
5 religion=>major pitfall. current studied (note the use of the word 'studied' not 'practiced') religion is not widely accepted and would label me as a satanist
6 ostracism from the feeling that i need to be different and stand out. loosing friends family even acquaintences. (this is 2 thoughts rolled into one and i don't think many people would be able to understand my train of thought for it-i know what i was thinking (: )
7 BATTELING THE STIGMA!!!

THE NEXT DAY- (the short version)
1. care more about other people than myself.
2 try to spend less time thinking and more time acting and trying to fix the things that i would potentially otherwise be thinking about.
3 try to be more honest with my self and other people-although only when warranted.
4 prove everyone wrong by doing the very best i can at absolutely everything i attempt. Do not give the people, i am fast losing respect for, a reason to doubt my capabilities and think i failed
5 Stop procrastinating!

ok so that's it. for the 20 odd minites i spent typing this up, i let a piece of the real me be exposed. i can't guarantee that it will happen again or vouch for any sort of consistency. But at least for this moment in time this blog has been transported back to its original purpose-which was to say everything i couldn't say for me.

oh, and for the record i think our group should have more one on one time with other people also in our group-i had fun in the city and i think our group is too 'group' focused. ok, have no idea how to get into words my very mixed up thoughts so i'll basically second everything sayers said.

(sayers thanks for thinking for me!)

~.~

the net seems very full of hate today, i'm reading through all these other blogs and everyone is getting angry about something and venting it into the great grey hole that is the internet. i don't wanna read people being angry and whingy, i wanna read something that makes me think, something that touches me, about a victory or something that makes me laugh and if not then i wanna read something pointless and rambly.

kinda like this.

so i'm gonna ramble on. i mowed lawns for half of today. grass that was so thick that it would stop the mower if you mowed it faster than very very slowly and it nearly did stop a few times. it's nice mowing grass like that - it feels like you're actually mowing something. you can see the progress, you can see you're making a difference even if it is only moving the grass from vertical to horizontal. they don't make things like they used to. things should last, something that as an engineer really bugs me. there are two mowers available, one is ancient and is a bit of a beast. nothing can stop it (metophorically of course since the thickness and sheer amount of grass nearly did, like i've already said). it sits in an old shed with spiders and bugs and looking at the condition of the shed today probably rain too but it still starts in the first 5 pulls and runs well no matter how long it's been since it was last used. now that's the tough and durableness that is missing in pretty much everything today. computer chips in mowers?! the other option for mowers is a newer one, it never works. in fact the whole time while it took me to mow the whole place (and there's lots of place to mow too) someone else was working on getting the other one started. he ended up taking it home.

i got to go back to uni today. i had to sort some things out before the "official return". it was nice being there without the usual crowds. i did think of having a traditional kebab plate or the traditional fried rice from alice's but it wasn't lunch time. i did get to have a snooze after lunch today, it was very relaxing and something i should do a lot more often. i think it made me much more alert and energetic for the afternoon, in fact i'm sure of it. it wasn't long but it was good. anway (a word i've gotta stop saying) i noticed two different things about the journey between the station and uni. 1. there was an new smell. it smelt like indian food but was in a different spot. i'm not sure if it was a one off thing but it was different. i'm thinking as i write this that noticing something like that might be a little worrying but there it is. 2. ont of the dodgy clothes shops has gone. the one that has all the ties on the rack out the front. i hope they build a good shop there instead, not like the health food snadwich bar which is still there. it's tables block a part of the tunnel off and it smells bad.

i got to go into the city with pez (this is her blog) yesterday and it was a lot of fun. i have now discovered how the two halves of the city i know connect to each other. i know the area around uni pretty well and the area around the domain too but i didn't know where they are in relation to each other. i went into gowings and looked at the hats, laughed at the school excursions, though about going into the museum but decided not to, overheard some amusing mobile conversations in matrin place, watched them weld bayonets onto guns on a war memorial statue, found a train line and watched trains go past, and i discovered a very cool sculpture in a park we didn't know existed. it is of a giant match sticking out of the ground and there's a burnt match sticking out of the ground next to it. i don't get it if it means anything but i though it did look cool. it's not often anymore i get to hang out with just one person for any length of time and i really enjoyed it. i should do it more often though it always seems weird and suggestive if they say "who did you invite?" and you say something like "just you". especially if it's with a female. i don't know, i've never done it but i guess it would. maybe that awkwardness might be fun, well for me anyway. not that i'm saying being in a group is a bad thing, it's just that in a group you don't always get to talk to everybody. of course pez and i were wondering if 2 people can be classified as a group and we decided they could for a very simple reason - if you add a third person then the group dynamic changes. if the group dynamic changes then it must have been in existance in the first place for it to change. it didn't appear, it didn't materialise it changed implying that it was there and had something to change from. therefore 2 people is a group. of course this ignores the possibility that it could change by being non-ezistant and then change to being existant, which also makes sense.

this just keeps on going doesn't it? and i'm gonna keep going. this huge post means that i'm catching up for all the time i should have posted before and gaining some credit so i shouldn't have to post again for a while. not that posting is a chore, i'm actually enjoying sitting here and typing whatever comes to mind. i think i'll keep going. or maybe i should just post more often. i should only post one paragraph of this at a time, string it out so it looks better. nah, too much effort for no reason. the hardest thing about being on a blog (or having a blog) is always thinking of stuff to say. i think blogging is a great idea and i used to have one but in reality there's never anything worth writing. my thoughts aren't deep and wise, i have nothing much to share, i don't write poems or stories (ahem *elbow*) so i got rid of it. but i still like the idea. i wonder if it would be possible to have a running blogger type joke. like in a group people have private jokes and running jokes which no one else gets, i wonder if it's possible to do that over a blog. i guess not. for a start i can't think of anything funny to say.

i should start a website in the tradition of "the hole i dug in my backyard" and similar. except i don't think it'll ge down well if i dig a big hole in the backyard, people like me might fall in it. i should start one about my castle. and now would be a good time to do it too since i've only just started building it. i still haven't decided how to make it coloured, i could use paint but then i can't really use boxes because the writing would show through. i was thinking of making all the boxes myself which would be handy since i could start at the bottom and they'd alwasy fit together nicely and look cool. except i'm not sure where i'll get all that cardboard from. the lady in the newsagent might think i'm a little strange when i go in every week and buy more of the same cardboard. i might have to go to a heap of different ones and rotate them. i did come up with an idea i think is really cool. well i think it is. instead of just building a plain castle tht just sits there and looks cool, i should cover it with ramps, holes, wheels, moving things etc and have marbles running all over it, and a little belt that takes them back up to the top. now that'd be worth it. though i have no idea how to start or what to make. i sguess i should start by building the castle before i wory about marbles or something else if i come up with a better idea but i don't think that's gonna happen. and not because i can't think of ideas better just because that's pretty cool and so i probably can't think of ideas better anyway. it makes sense in my head as i write it.

'...it is in the character of very few men to honour, without envy,

a friend who has prospered...'

Aeschylus (525 bc-456bc)

grrr. something screwy happened last time i was on so i couldn't get into my thingy to post. I think it was just the computer. Damn! i had stuff to say too. But as with most of the stuff that goes on in my head...it's gome now.

Oh, yea. The other day William died. This was the kitten from one of the animal cruelty stories that i got really fired up about. There have also been more cases of animal cruelty...one on a bunch of rats in western australia and a dog had a run in with some bungers in the northern territory.

The only reason the police are paying so much attention to it is mostly because the guy who committed the Anita Coby murders started off by torturing animals. First with mice and hamsters and then he worked up to kittemd and feral dogs. and eventually people. I suppose they think that by being harsh now they'll prevent another case like Anita Coby's.

Yeah right. Derranged people are going to be derranged whether the police are harsh or not. And bored kids are only going to appreciate any ideas that come their way. Things like this are going to happen whether we try to stop them or not. It's just a matter of time and being in the wrong place at the right time. well, you know what i mean.

Ok, enough of that. In other news, i should have enough stuff to finish my zebra book once i get it back from sayers. I figure if you want me to publish something, I'll publish this. I'm not a writer so my story is becoming really boring, because i don't know how to head where i want to head. And this stuff is all original so...this is what you will get. I should get it back sometime this week. hopefully and then i can start typing it up.

That should be enough reading for about 6months if sayers reading speed is anything to go by.
Anyways, more soon.

~.~

'...grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a

joy you must have somebody to divide it with...'

Mark Twain (1835-1910)

[insert general holiday excitement stuff here]

ok so sayers (and anybody else who is interested) i can take you off being a contributor and make it so that you can post comments like megs does. just email me if youre interested.

has anybody seen the news lately? I'm talking in particular about the 6wk old kitten that was kicked and run over with a bike by a bunch of 12year old kids. I find the act itself quite appalling, but i find iteven more amusing that the police did not figure that during school holidays kids get really bored and watch tv, therefore seeing the news and other adverts for this sort of behaviour. And of course being curious this would have led to more kids trying to do it themselves.

As proven by the fact that after the incident at seven hills was publicised there was, the next day a similar one in mount druitt where a kitten was doused in petrol and set alight, and yet another in shepperton where the kitten was kicked around.

I am astounded by the fact that police are surprised by the increase in animal cruelty since they were the ones who basically planted the ideas into bored teens heads to start off with. It also serves to wonder where the heck are these kids parents??? and why are these kids roaming the streets late at night? maybe instead of being punished these kids should be forced to spen more time with their parents...when I was 12-13ish this would have been a detterent to any sort of criminal behaviour.

~.~

'...courage is of no value unless accompanied by justice; yet if all men became just, there would be no need for courage...'

Agesbus the Second

yes sayers i would love to republish the story but here's the thing...some really really really good computers are able to access the archives files down the side of my blog. So really you would be able to access the files if you wanted to, all you would have to do would be to find a good computer. For this reason i will refuse to republish my story, but what i will do, is to pick up where i left off. But of course this would mean i would have to remember to pick up the draft copy before i left to come to the library.

Plus at the moment I have other much more important things to worry about..like where I am going to be studying this year. For some reason my tafe application has not gone through and I did not make it into the diploma year for Community Services. Not only this but my results show that even though i passed all my subject with pretty good results I have not completed cert. IV.

This means that because of some stupid computer glich, or some underpaid government employee with pms, the past year of my studies does not exist! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! As a result when I apply to be a student at uni and they ask me what I have done for the last year I can't give them my Certificate and my transcript says i have unfinished units!!!

(consider me screaming, jumping up and down and pulling my hair out at the moment)

And to top it all off my mother thinks that all this is because of something I have done, or failed to do! AGH!

~.~