hmmm, that last actual meaningful post was actually supposed to be a draft but i guess i must have hit the wrong button.

anyways seeing as it went up i may as well continue-sayers as usual my 'that's all i have to say about that' was really meant to say that really that is all i want to say at that particular point in time. In addition to that though-i've basically been left to feel really stupid and all my trust issues and defensive walls are right back up again. I hate knowing that i do that whenever i feel hurt by someone, but it's what i do best nowadays and it stops people kicking me when i'm down.

So, i'll try not to be crabby over the next few weeks-even more so because i'm on holidays, but basically i feel really stupid and pathetic and sorry for myself at the moment. Mostly because i should have seen the avalanche coming-it was basically the same thing i went through with dave, but still i didn't do anything. I should have seen it coming.

Why am i so blind sometimes (NO! don't answer that :P) And why is it that even though certain people know why my walls are so thick and 'people proof', they still wonder why they go up when they go up?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ok, think i'm done jumping up and down and pulling my hair out-i'm off to find a wig.

~.~