When I get scared of something but I don't feel like I can say it I do massively stupid things. Pushing people too far is one of them. I become this stupid selfish person, and it looks like all i care about is getting what i want. The problem is I know that i'm being an idiot. I know that I'm pushing certain people too far. I can see myself doing it. But I'm too scared to admit to them that I'm scared and just really need them. So instead I push them to their limits quite possibly to the point where they dont feel like they want me. I end up thinking and doing things that make me look stupid and clingy and like I'm the most selfish person. But at the bottom of it all, really I'm just scared and I just need something more than a friend and it just comes out all wrong. And i realise that the easiest thing to do would be to admit that i need something. But then asking always means that i risk getting rejected and I dont know which would be worse.
So instead I end up doing stupid things and saying all the wrong things and end up offending all the people that i want close to me. I end up clamming up instead of saying what i feel and what i need. And it just never comes out right...I'm sorry
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